tribal nomad

You Know Youre Somali!!

2007-06-07T02:06:00.000-07:00

You have 4 to 10 siblings in one House!

You Live in Housing Association housing

You already know what your having for dinner – Bariis or Basto (Rice or Spaghetti)

You Eat bananas with every meal (Usually Bariis or Basto), and your probably eating one as you are reading this

You love eating Laahooo (like pancakes but wayyy better)

Your mother invites people you’ve never seen before to your house, and she tells you its your Edo, Athero, or Inn-Atheer (Aunt, Uncle, Or Cousin)

You know which tribe you are, and so quick to tell any other Somali person, unless you are ‘Midgaan’ tribe, then you don’t telll any one loll

You call yourself Somalian, even though that word doesn’t exist and it’s ‘Somali’Every Somali you know is some how related to you

You know 10 Muna’s and they all have nicknames cause its so damn confusing

You know 10 Mohammed’s in your city alone, that all call themselves ‘Moe’

Your name is Ahmed, Abdi, Abdirahim, Abdi-Aziz, or any other type of Abdi, Abdul, Abdulla, Aden, Ali, Mohammed, Osman, Hassan, Omar, Nasser, / Muna, Hamdi, Hamda, Amal, Ayan, Faduma, Idil, Iman, Najma, Nasra, Samaira, Sahra, Saida, Hani, Deqa, ….if none of these are your names you prolly know 2 ppl of every name

You have 100’s of cousins you’ve never met, but its cool, cause you can basically visit any country and have a relative to stay with

You bite your batteries or put it in the freezer thinking it will magically recharge!

You stay repping the hood you live in, but don’t own a property in the hood

You got your ass wooped by your Hooyo or Abo, and they’d always hit you with the closest object to them (my moms favorite her ‘Dacas’ (Sandal)

You crash weddings, and as soon as you get in there you ask ppl who’s the bride & groom

You call any other Somali lady, ‘Habo’

Youre with a person of the opposite sex, u gotta hide from any Somali woman cause you know soon as they get home, theyre gonna call your hooyo, and ANY other person they know

You celebrate your birthday on January 1…you immigrant

Your Hooyo or Abo drive a Mini-van

Youre good looking, (well most of us)

Your Skinny or Fat, because theres no in-between for Somalis

You call a towel, ‘Toowal’ and don’t care about this pokeman ‘Sukumaan’ business WEIRD Somali people are calling it

You call a Vacuum, ‘Hoover’, (I just discovered last year it wasn’t called a Hoover and that Hoover was just a company that makes Vacuums )

You say ‘Sigis’ instead of 6, and you call Detergent, ‘Tide’

You checked the ‘Somaligate’ website 10 times a day, to see if your picture was posted up or not …loll

You checked the Somaligate website, and laughed your ass off when you found out someone you hated got Xposed

Youre planning to get married before the age of 24 but know that will never happen

You know youre somali when your hoyoo screams on long distance phone calls

You know youre somali when you hang curtains infront of doorways

You know youre somali when you re-use cooking saleed

You Know youre Somali When You Hooyo Puts Qasil on her face

You know youre Somali when you got 5 brothers ready to beat up any nigga that try to holla at you

You know youre Somali when your hoyoo is the kitchen drinking shah gossiping, and your Abo is with the rest of his Chad crew at Tim Hortons

You know youre Somali when you leave your money at home, cause you know soon as you hit McDonalds with the homies they all gonna ask for money (“yo just a dollar yo, yo!!”)

You know youre Somali when you braid your hair in the afternoon and it takes 3hours to do it, and at night before you reach home, you unbraid it cuz you know hoyo & Abo will whoop your ass... piercing your ears... SAME THANG

You Know youre Somali when everyone in your house 18 or under is getting govervnment aid..and hALF of THEm WORK!! loool

You Know youre Somali When you pay 25 buckz to go to the riwayaad (party) knowing its going to end 2 hourz early with a ffist fight!!!

You Know youre Somali when you say close the lights instead of turn off the lights

You Know youre Somali when the back of ur TV remote control has some sort of Tape on it

You know youre Somali when every other word out of ur mouth is ‘wallahi’

You know youre Somali when...your mom & 10 of her friends/neighbours carpool together to go visit a sick person in the hospital....Then get mad at the hospital staff when told there can only be 2 visitors at a time in the room - the rest need to wait.

You know youre Somali...if you pride yourself on being the "only Somali" at your workplace/school (as if other Somalis can't achieve the same)

You know youre Somali...if you try to support Somali run businesses (just because they're your ppl, even if you can get a better service elsewhere

You know youre somali when you swear blind that you and youre hubby are separated so more benefits come your way...tut

blog blog

2007-05-18T04:05:00.000-07:00

ok so what am i going to talk about today? i dont know...im just writing this due to the death threats ive been getting from people who nag that i dont write anything on my blog...pardon me for thinking its hard work...

ok so what do i talk about? erm i dont know....what have i done...i dont know....who am i? not quite sure about that either? ooooh i know....im going to talk about work?!!

so what am i doing with my life? i am spending my time, working my rear off...spending ten hours a day getting abused by old people, who are making me feel that enthusiasia is the way forward....i hate talking to people who dont want to read their flipping bills, and other who dont get out of their house enough...i hate people telling me to be embarrassed that i work for who i do...ive been embarrassed since day one?!!

ok so what else? i dont know....gosh i dont know is my favourite phrase...seriously i dont know whats happened lately....

ooooh apart from spending ten million flipping days awaiting my new phone to come...and ive been taking random photos with it...of yours truly....and im seeing blemishes appear...out comes the cocoa butter...HAHAHA....im joking....i mean ive got spots...its like dot to dot...

ok now lets talk about something else...i want to rant about BUSES
and students...im sorry but i hate students...*glares* you guys totally kill manchester...and im awaiting the day you lot all get lost and go home...you smell, dont pay taxes, and decide that one seat on the bus isnt enough for you so will take two and when i come to sit next to you, you give me that goddamn snobby glare *im a student, improving the world for the better*, like youre some superhero...

and whats with the buses not coming or for that matter leaving on time...seriously....grrrrrrr....

ok im bored now....and i have to tidy my crash site of a room...oooh now that reminds me...i hate amateur handymen....guy came around to the cardboard box i live in...and him and his seven little friends....seven of them may i remind you....were unable to do a simple job of painting a few rooms and the ceiling...and like also not finishing all the flipping food in the cupboards....like when i say finished...i mean finished....i cant talk about it...im just gonna go mad...arghhh?!!!

Rejection

2007-04-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

asalaams all...ive not been a posting for a while,purely because one cannot be bothered , its too hard...grrr...

anyways back to the aim of the game...

rejection? now why did i pick a title like that well its too rant about being rejected and rejecting others...and no im not talking about marriage proposals....hmmmpf thats an arena of lions i havent yet joined....

well lets start off with to as far back as i can remember, which is the day before yesterday, i was on the bus minding my own business, purely because i crashed into the stairs as i was going up there, so my styling out here was avoid all eye contact. i sat down near some "Fresh" people, see im not a snob!! the proofs in the pudding baby, well there ya go!!

ok an i had my mp3 player on really loud, see i have this theory if i can block out the sound of people on the bus i can also block out their smell....

anyways so i was just listening to the garbage i have on my player, when some random dude sitting in the seat on my left started waving at me, so i pulled one headphone out of my ear, but discreetly incase he turned out to be a mad man. so i looked and his lips started moving but i couldnt hear him, so i said one moment please, and then a little freshie who was sitting directly behind me started shouting at me. hmmmpft i dont thinkso... so i gave him a cold look and then the african dude on my left started looking angry, so when i managed to pull the other headphone ear out he was like " i said assalaamualikum man, why are you ignoring me, im muslimg too", as if he thought that i thought he was worthy to be a muslim, seriously though, so i said "wa alaikumusalaam brother" and turned away, i quickly put my headphones back into my ears and carried on looking out the window, not a good thing to do at night because it just acts as a fricking mirror, and guess who i see looking at me, mr whiny - the african dude, so i just look straight, and then a few stops up, mr whiny asks me to open the window near me. because there was a dude sitting in front of me, i thought best to ask him to do it, but can you believe the gall of the guy infront, he merely cuts me a dirty dirty look and says cant you do it yourself??? ohmygosh i said flipping please?? what the hell??? so i was like im weak in a joky voice and he gives me another evil, so i stood up, opened the window, sat down and told the guy in front, "looks like im not so weak after all", what an ass.

so the bus keeps going, btw people im on the way to herbi and NMs house after finishing work, its that darn 111 service i tell you. so mr whiny says thanks and i just smile. a few stops on and mr whiny starts flapping his hands again, i swear this guy is a big baby. so i look at him, and he goes whats your name, ok just to let you people know i have a complex about giving m name to random strangers, you know, because ive spent too much time watching tv and creating crazy theories in my head.

so i say to him "i dont have a name", praying that he takes the hint and leaves me alone, but oh no, whiny just cant do this can he? no he has gone and whine??!!!

hes starts off with "but youre a nice girl? "

and im thinking in my head "well darn well not nice enough, paranoia beats niceness anyways so shoo with you"

and hes like "but if i see you tomorrow, i wont know your name.".

me (still thinking) "hopefully i will disappear off the face of the eath by tomorrow"

and then he was like "tell me your name, im muslim too".

at this point im getting peeved, hes trying to use the belief card, not cool in my book,

so i turn to him and say, "if you see me tomorrow then you say asalaamualaikum sister and leave it at that, but im not giving you my name end of."

and i just turned away, and guess what he starts shouting at me, in front of all the people on the bus??!!!! and ohmygod there are like five stops left?!! total killer i swear lol!!

but i ignored him, and when i got off the bus said my salaams and walk away?!! case no. 1 of rejection?!!

ok and second one was of some stupid little somali boys who thought they were big in their little vauxhall, im sorry but please when a sister looks angry dont mess with her, idiots, im sorry but if someones slowing their car down whilst youre walking down the street that looks a tad suspicious....so when they started to trying talking, i just let it rip, and no im talking about gas, i just got peeved, why cant idiots leave flipping us alone to walk down the road in peace?? in all fairness i was already angry and well people doing this just make me go CRAAAAZY?!! so after telling them to get lost in a really funny twisted somali way, although i cant remember what i said, but jst remember herbi almost crying. and then guess what idiots come back for round two telling me i have anger issues, well i told them to get back to to the mee (thats like the somali desert) and called them gahontis (refugee/freshies), its more offensive in english but just as offensive in somali and even more comical, they then did drive off.

ok and third case of rejection, we went to the baths yesterday, the swimming ones that is and guess what the woman wouldnt let us in because my friend mini's sister wasnt 16, she was like you have to be over 16 and mentioned something about paying the full price. it was at this point my eyes turned into those of a bull, "helloooo just because i said i wanted ladies only bathing, and because im an ethnic doesnt mean im a cheapo"...so we were rejected,

not that i was all that bothered, because last time i went swimming i had an asthama attack, and the big bootylicious arab woman nearby decided not to listen to my cries of help....and that went on for five mins....so look theres another rejection?!!

ok sorry im just angry, im in fact not angry im just crazy

darn lifes just full of rejections and im bored writing so...give up!!

For ma sistas!! yo!!!!

2007-02-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

To all my "sisters"....thank you for always being on the "rim of my valley, cheering me on"..
Sisters
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.
As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them."
"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.
"You'll need other women. Women always do." What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"
But she listened to her Mother.
She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year.
As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.
As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:>
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supp osed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT......... Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are betweenyou.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other
Every day, we need each other still.

Psycho....psycho...psychos!!! ARGHHHHHHH

2007-02-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

asalaams, ok so heres an interesting story...i have for you all..the day a "brother" perved and abused....

so here the story starts....i was walking home, after the train journey back from liverpool....i was just minding my own business as you do....listening to my mp3 player and struggling with the colossal *is that spelt right???* bag i had.....so anyways off i went...and guess what happens, some little stupid stalker in his tacky pimped up honda civic decides to trawl after me....i ignore him thinking..."im not in the mood to kill anyone tonight", i was tired and restless..but nevertheless he stopped his car...i ignored him once again and carried on walking, im not being funny, but im not going to be intimdated by some jerk....

as im walking, some dude with a fat backside comes up next to me....and he says, "salaams sister how are you?", so i just meerely replied back, "alhamdulilah im fine" and i carried on walking...no offence but im not spending my walk home chatting to some dude who thinks he can chat me up, and especiall not when hes seen my HI-JAAB, and thinks he can use the islamic approach...ok and before anyone else moans at me for replying back...i did so because he started the convo and i ended it...end of....

so i carry on walking and the dude is still following me....and i say to him "can you stop following, stalking, harrassing me..." and he has the gall to ask me if im chatting to him, oh yes by the way the dude in the civic is driving really slowly ahead...and so somali loser, asks me if im talking to him??? errr no im talking to the ass next to you...oops sorry but cos yours is so big i thought it was another...fool....so i told him, "look can you see this?" *point at my hijab* if i wanted attention, i wouldnt be wearing this...ok...so go away..."

at this point im getting annoyed that this little piece of freshness off the boat from hargeisa is still trying to bug me....and im sorry but when i'm angry may the Lord have mercy upon your soul....so i tell the dude to get lost...and i got mad, he said to me "listen darling.....blah blah...didnt understand the rest of his garbage"...im sorry but no-one calls me darling....so i went crazy....i managed to give him the telling off of his life, without any swear words...and then i told him in black person stylee..."you got told, now go away boy"

and guess what?? what the hell, the dude is still following me...and no im not scared....just majorly annoyed, thinking im gonna phone the cops before i launch on this idiot...and cause him some real damage....i tell him to get lost...and he says to me " i live this way" *i can do his accent to a T"...and i said to him "look, you've just been told to get lost, and im really embarassed for you at this point, so if i were you and even if i lived just two metres away, brother at this point i would've gone the longest possible around the whole manchester to get my house, just avoid further embarassment...."

by the way there is a silver car behind me and a startled chinese girl walking behind me....and NO im still not afraid....and guess what the dude goes "i dont go for fat girls anyways.."...wallahi this guy had a death wish im telling you....because i just went CRAAAAZY...and did some possessed thing...and started mimicking his accent and telling him that he needs to sort out his flipping english....ok im not one to abuse people with accents...well ok i lie just somalis....whatever....and so yes he turned around startled i think...not quite sure...cos his big backside hid his face...fool

oh yeah and the guy in the civic...parked his car across the road and asked me if i wanted a lift....i will just tell you that there were a heck of lot of expletives used at this point...idiot...wallahi some men are just fools

YouTube

2007-02-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

I have this weird obsession with YouTube, i just type in random words to see what will come up...and oh my gosh i can tell you i have been traumatised on that site *yes white african i have done plenty of those widen eyed, horrified looks*, but the best bit yet was typing in somali....wow!!

i was utterly amazing....i typed in somali dancing, and got like all these white people dancing its so cool that im going back to it now muhahaha!!

Lengthy Blogs

2007-02-08T01:46:00.000-08:00

asalaams and all, well i'm going to discuss the length of some people's blogs, they go on and on, and its not a negative because i find them intriguing and most invigorating for this dead, dumb brain of mine, *only for one year though*

ok see this is exactly my point, i start and now i dont want to finish eurgh!! i give up...braaaaaap!!

Eye See You

2007-02-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

ok, so out we went after the Muslim Network meeting, to a cafe, called Cafe Casbah, *after being misled into thinking it was spelt Casper, all that singing of "Casper the Friendly Ghost", was a wasted effort...hmmmpft*.

well back to it, in we went to the cafe, surprised at being in a moroccan environment that wasnt a sheesha bar or nandos, and we sat down, nattering on about everything and nothing, while we waited for our food to come *it took forever* and then as typical as muslims are with punctuality, one person decides to comment on how cold it is after we'd been there like a whole hour, so i stare up at the heater which is above everyone who was sitting on the bed's head, and then suddenly one person *thou who shalt not be named ahem* started laughing, and not with me but at me, apparently i had a horrified look on my face...hmmm in particular my eyes, so whatever!! grrrrrrrr....but yes and now she wont leave me alone about it...end of...

Chav Attack....again

2007-02-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

Asalaams all..or whoever can be bothered to read this blog.....eeek.... ok well i have so many stories to share, many of which are mockery of myself....oh the shame the dread....can i bear to humiliate myself on here?

oh what the heck if you cant laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at...*and im only sharing this as herbi has told everyone...ok well let me tell you a little story about a girl....ok not really a girl, more like a psychotic wench, aka me. one, cold friday night, this tall, charming, elegant sister was walking home from the lavish home of royal friends *yeah right*, listen to her sony walkman, *the purple one...yaaay*....i think it was oh but an arab tune, the ones where you have to have such great resistance to wisthstand the urge of swaying your hips side to side, or maybe that was just her *wink wink*....anyways so as i was walking down the long road of wilbraham road, that never ends....grrr...and suddenly, "bam bam bam"....three hard hits from the side, one straight to my glasses, damn those poor glasses are always the target....damnation upon those who bully the spectacled eyed beings of this world...ok a bit drastic there but you trying putting yourself in those small, delicate, size five shoes. And then the next hit is straight to my left wrist, have you seen my wrists? they're bulimic *no they dont puck up after a large meal, but ach have a look, you see theyre not quite fat but then not so skinny* ooww that did hurt and well the final one, fell somewhere along the surface of the upper body/face, not quite sure, the shock of it all kinda took it out of me, and eurgh i see a big splog of egg, on my lovely pink wrap around thing, also used as hijab, *hey if i can use a tea towel why not a wrap...hmmmpft*, the tea towel joke roots from odd people who call headscarves tea towels, i dont what these people's mommas use in their houses but darn my momma only has a simple striped one, *yes ONLY one in my house and what???*

well anyways back to the story, so yes i, miss scary-lady-who-np-one-and-thats-no-one-messes-with, had been egged, ok those who know me well, will wonder how i avenged this attack on the not-so-innocent, well i couldnt do anything i had eggy glasses, and without my sight, i couldnt get the licence plate number, and so without that how could i go on my stalking mission to hurt these chicken bleeps, who didnt even have the guts to throw to my face without the use of a car.....grrr...i bet it was chavs....grrr....so its 1 -1.....

psycho girl

2007-01-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

i have a lot to say
and shall say a lot...
ok im bored now...
writing a blog takes up so much energy...
i cant breath now.....

For you Native!!

2006-12-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

because i love you...i write this....whoo whoo!!
i think i should become a songwriter *watches as the moslems gasp in horror*
and why? why do i want to do that?
because because i just do
anyways let me tell you all of my fear of being caught....*no just cos im black doesnt mean im a teef*
its this insane phobia i have of librarians battering me to my death for me doing something wrong...namely getting into university libraries i shouldnt be...ok i cant be bothered writing anymore, i dont know how bloggers do it....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!

....Its a family affair

2006-11-23T11:32:00.000-08:00

asalaams all....i cant be bovvered with the like errrm whole like errrrm i forgot likee errm whatever...

oh yes a piece of advice do n0t and i say DO NOT hide things from your family....as i have seen in my case that only leads to trouble...ok so i like trouble...hey look you cant be tagged the black sheep of the family and not be black!! darn dawwwg!! ok hee haw hee haw!!

oh yes and more about families well guess what i have joined a family of dancers hee haw hee haw!! yes tis i aisha and miss native female i think she goes by on here and guess what we do? noooo its not dance duuuh that would be too obvious...we dah dah we booogie haha
!! sorry i gotta go and find the pills....but before i do i'm going to tell you about today's events, whoever you is hee haw hee haw... *im sick and tired of lol...be original people...and if you dont think the bray of a donkey is not original then boo ya on you and come on lets take this outside...ok im bored gosh i didnt realise blogging took it out of you so much hee haw hee haw.. *must do chicken laugh next time* peace out my home dawwgs braaap!!

oooh ok i will tell you what happened...

eurgh first things first MMU people/leaders/ whatever i dont care...im taking you down with the disgusting manner of which the disabled toilets have been designed, if i have ever seen such a mick take in my entire life then never before until i saw MMU's disabled toilets...which were ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING...actually i have a few things to say about MMU...but let me carry on with the toilet issue...so yes there i was with noma, minding our own business....sneaking into the disabled toilet to do wudhu...or wuzu as some of my lovely bro's and sistaaas (bRAAAP) may call it...because couldnt do it in the ladies toilets as a whole load of braying donkeys...ooops sorry students were yelling...so much so noma almost forgot her purpose of entering that loo...bathroom i meant...darn nooo!! i meant restroom..well yes so i proposed lets go disabled!! and no i didnt mean lets you know...*gosh must be P.C here i think* anyways yes so we snuck into the disabled toilet and OHMYDAYS...i screamed!! eww there was a rather runny thick brown fluid in the bin eww eww eww...BLEURGH...noma looked and me shushing me *man the sister was hushing me when i all i could see was browness in the WRONG container eww eww...oh gosh so i managed to shut up and hey presto! once i took my specs off i couldnt see the brown sludge anymore...so you know..see no evil...think no evil sickening, maaatag inducing thoughts...bleurgh..

AND THEN DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO CARRY ON IN CAPS FOR NOW BECAUSE THIS IS HOW ANGRY I AM!! I STARTED MY WUDHU AND WHEN I TRIED TO WASH MY HANDS THE WATER STOPPED BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE TO HOLD IT IN ORDER FOR THE DARN WATER TO COME OUT...BUT I AM SORRY WHO WAS THE RETARD WHO DESIGNED THAT KIND OF TAP IN THE FIRST FOOL!! I MEAN WAS HE SO RICH HE THOUGHT EVERYONE HAS SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS THEM TO THE LOO, WIPES THEIR BEHINDS AND ALSO HOLDS THE TAP FOR THEM WHILST THEY ARE WASHING THEIR HANDS!! WHAAAAT A IDIOT!! LORD HAVE MERCY UPON HIS SOUL IF I CATCH HIM GRRRRRR!! AND I SAY HIM BECAUSE ONLY A MAN COULD BE SO STUPID!! AND GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT EVEN STOP THERE...THE FOOL WENT AND THOUGHT OOOH LETS BE CLEVER AND LETS PUT THE DRYER RIGHT ABOVE THE SINK, WHICH MEANT EVERYTIME YOU DID MANAGE TO GET SOME WATER FROM THE TAP, HALF OF IT WAS BLOWING ALL OVER YOU!! WHAAAT A IDIOT PLEASE SOMEONE GET ME SOME CHEESEWIRE GRRRR!!

ok so i mean come on you have to see what im saying here, disabled toilets are meant to ease a person's time there not make it more challenging, oh gosh what is the world coming to, first george dubya was made president, now some fool designs a disabled toilet like that...how strange!!

and then oh yes then some idiotic beast of a being designed who wants to slam one of the doors with his big ginormaus inhumane feet...grrr seriously if only i could carry my stash of cheesewire around!! everyone would be *crosses finger against throat*

i'm not even gonna bother with saying anything further about any of the rest of then MMU lot otherwise they would all try to kill me and fail miserbaly!! grrrrrrrrr

work rant!! and ah ha a secret to share

2006-11-22T03:18:00.000-08:00

lol asalaams my home daawgs...braap *shuffles in with a styleee limp* yo yo whats going doown my breeethrens!! braaap!! ok sorry!! i had a slight psychotic moment where i just had to like do my gangster wannabe entrance....uh huh uh huh!! i cant help it i wanna be black!! whoops ok so i lie, i already am!! darn diggity!! lolol

ok im at work....gosh i despair at the thought of waking up in the morning and going to work...*sobs* seriously im thinking if i was a weaker soul, i wouldve like just actually stayed here forever....arghhhhhhhh!!

ok yes i cant be bothered ranting about work anymore otherwise that would lead me to describing the wonders of the office life....te dragon's lair as i like to call it, which seeps you in at around ten to nine and then spits out your remains around errrm i dunno 5..issh arrghh i gotta ring o2 brb!! ewwwwwwww msn talk arghhhhhhhhh!!

.....the buds of a wonder

2006-11-20T04:41:00.000-08:00

A STORY....OOOH THAT IM WRITING OOOOH!!

Ever longed for a slice of freedom? Although you know your problems aren't so big you wish they were a little smaller? Rhetorical questions, dont you just hate them? What's the point? Ha. But, one interesting one, *a wquestion in general that is*, is have you ever wished you could travel into the midst of someone's mind, someone near and dear, just to try and figure them out. I know i have, well that was until someone tried to do it to me. And then thats when i started my search, "quest" for you posh natters, and "poke around", for you commoners *ok quit the giggling, not in that way*. i started soul searching, trying to find my way through this maze of my life, only to find that the hurdles, barriers and struggles would each increase in quantity as well as vastness.

For i could no longer, shrug my shoulders and ignore it away, the carpet i once swept it all under had been pulled away from my feet. and i felt so confused. why? confused because i was discovering things i never truly understood, things were unravelling before me in their true form and it was an ugly site. i was collasping underneath my own built foundations. And what was left for me to do but to adhere to the saying, "what goes up must come down", only the irony of it was that i had never really gone up. i have been bound by the demons of my soul. entrapped by misconceptions and naivety. there is no comfort in my heart besides one, one to whom i turn to in my moments of despair and longing.

its strange, many would probably read this and be baffled, some even aghast at the thought that behind that smiling and those dark brown eyes, was someone like me.

.......... to be continued

Attack of the Chavs (finally)

2006-11-15T07:20:00.000-08:00

Ok so i didnt post "Attack of the Chavs Part 1", but i was busy already!! a lot has been going on., well the first attack was basically, whilst sitting on the bus, i was sitting by the window, my friend blocking my way, aw well as taking up two thirds of my chair, but hey i wasnt complaining, it was rather comfortable in an uncompromising manner. well so what happened? four of us, ladies were sitting upstairs on the 43, minding our own business, laughing and talking of past travels, you know...there were some little chavs sitting at the back, being loud and racous as always....and without style too....i mean if your conversation is going to be loud at least make it interesting for the rest of the bus passengers!! but the plebs couldnt do that grrrrr!!

so yes back to the story, what did happen, well two of the little vicky pollard wannabes were getting up to get off the bus, and as one of them walked past us, she coughed "f******* muslims!", how rude!! she flipping coughed it the gutless little mare!! grrrr!! didnt even have the guts to say it to my face!! so shamone!! foolio!! grrrr!! anyways yes, so when they got the bus they felt the need to like swear at us....we laughed oh how we laughed....and a great remark came "well nice to see that when we going home telling our parents we had learnt our ABCs, that little chavette was properly going home with stolen goods!! grrrrr!! cue the whole bus to laugh...dont worry we didnt launch on the two chavettes that remained on the bus...my friends wouldnt let me!! darn!!

ok so that was the first one, and the second one what was that...well there we were noma, mary, sarah, herbi and aisha, all minding our own business just walking to the bus stop after watching a film, when some chavs, three of them, tall boys they were....dressed all gorgeously head to toe in trackie material...oooh yum!!
and then you know what? do you know what? they started shouting " bud bud ding dong" how rude!! i was so offended they couldnt even get my flipping race right..grrrrrrrrrr!! i was but most annoyed....so i said to them "nuh uh noo you diiiidnt!", they turned around saying "you what? you what? you what? you what? you what?"
maan was i annoyed.....nuh uh...does a little fool start with me when ive had a heck of a lot of fizzy pop!! nuh uh!! so i asked him (well shouted at them) if they had graduated from primary school yet...and then guess what they did they were like "you what? you what? you what? you what? you what?", so i listed my achievements and told them (and the whole of manchester city centre) that i had been to primary school, high school and college and that i had my qualifications (ok so i couldnt put uni....well not yet)...and at this point, noma, sarah and aisha are dying with laughter...herbi and mary are rushing behind us to find out what all the commotion is all about.
then guess WHAT?? the little chav whispers, get this HE FLAMING WHISPERS...."shut up or i'll slap you up" OHMYDAYS noooooo waay!! i went craaaazy!! so i was like "you what? you what you WHAAAAAAAAT??" i went crazy!! and they could see the anger man!! muhahahahaha!! guess what they did, you wont believe it! haha!! they ran....and guess where they went for shelter, MACDONALDS...so of course im gonna end it off with the cherry topping, one last HI-JAAAA-BIIIII rant, i said or more screeched, "running to get yer job applications are yer??"

garote them all with cheesewire i say!! hahaha!! i probably spelt garote wrong but i dont CAREEEEE!! ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

smelly

2006-11-11T07:47:00.000-08:00

"show me the meaning of being smelly,
show me the point of having B.O.
would it kill me to have a shower,
should i be serious!!!
so that everyone will love in virtual reality
is that even the name!!
i'm going crazy....
cos i cant be a popstar...
darn if i wear a veil can i just share my vooooooooice
ooooohhh *sloow down here*
show me the meaning of being smelly
show me the meaning of being theeeeree
ooooooooooooh *backing singers join in*
show me the meaning of not being lazy
and getting off my a**
why is it so difficult to fit into my joggers these days
ooooooooooh
show me the meaning of making this song make sense
ooooooooooh

*ok i cant be bothered with anymore singing*

lazy bum!!

2006-11-11T05:49:00.000-08:00

Sitting at my desk at work, I ponder of what exactly to write about, because it just seems to be that there is so much to talk about, therein showing just the state of the world that we live in. so therefore what will be my point of discussion, well I thought I would start off simple....ha!! simple ideas for simple people! ha! ok sorry i was watching two pints of lager and a packet of crisp last night dont ask me why.....i cant remember anything just one of bimbos kept saying ha! arghhhhhhhh!!

ok well im just gonna talk about anything....actually one thing i must say is that i dont find anything i say online to be as funny as i come across in reality........oooooh reality how freaky! ha! darrrn! i just cant stop saying ha! oh gosh i am terrible i have such an awful secret to share but cant as im a darn ol' paranoid ethnic who thinks big bruvva is watching me now, gosh i think im so special i actually think people can be bovvered to spend time watching what i do!! well hi diddly ho, babe *in a welsh accent* i am i am!! i dont care i am!!!

so what am i meant to be ranting about...i will tell you...its darn computers!! why cant we just get rid of them and have letters and stuff and we should get rid of phones too...lets just get rid of everything!! nothing left!
! arghhhh!! i am going crazy!!

ok guess what? ive written this much garbage yet i havent actually talked about much just ranted...seriously i imagine myself in 40 years time being that crazy old lady with mad hair and loads of cats in a musty old house, ooooh and like with an overgrown garden and holey clothes!! yaaay...although a few glitches there....i hate cats and i wear a hijab, the rest im ok with so...how does one "solve a problem like stereotypical-a-fitting-old-lady-becoming", easy just pull a few strands of hair out of my scarf, *ok big deal so what if i only have a few strands!! problem? and then with the cats...well hey might as well put those headless teddy bears to use innit? ha!

im going craaaaaaaazy!! arghhhhhhh!! run for cover!!! arghhhh!! ok im bored now....in a bit yo!! braaaaaaaaaaaap!! *shoots herself in the eye and says no more, suddenly colleagues come around her desk and check to see if she's alive, no shes not, each one secretly robs her prized possessions, she yelps her last breath as the "fat one" makes a run for her ipod... what a b******!! she knew the "fat one" had been eyeing up her ipod for the past few weeks, whispering "my precious" arghhhhhhh!!!

dance jose!!

2006-11-11T04:09:00.000-08:00

im sitting here at my desk
trying to think of some crazy lyrics
man i wasnt born to be a poet
but im darn gonna try
or die trying
i dont wear bling
cant even fit a ring
on these scrawny fingers of mine
just a HIjabi
oooooh dangerous ground
i just mentioned a REEEEELLLLIGIOUISNESS word
darn shoot me down homies!!
argghhh now its getting all hysterical
what do i do now
should i dive for cover
under all these layers i wear
to keep myself protected from
the lure of the devil's lair
oooh now im rhyming
it appears to be im getting better at this
or is it just me
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP
what is that annoying noise, those little a** wipes all use
down on wimmy road
its not cool or "standard" yo!!
dont BRAAAP me if you see me
or that will be the last noise you make
yo!! check this out.....
loook at the violence
what filth what disgust
would my momma be ashamed?
i wouldnt know nor care
oooh controversial is she??
yoooo wow look i can be a poet its easy!!
beep beep!!
hate this
and i hate you
hate this
and the whole darn diggity world will hate on you!!
*published in mockery of those fools*

Introductions

2006-11-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

Asalaams, howdy y'all *typical texan drawl*, right im guessing im supposed to make this really impressive, first impressions and all, but sorry im ill...so no can do...so who i am? *rolls her eyes, thinking "oh god i really have to do this, dont i, lord have mercy upon thy soul"*

*takes out pom poms and pulls cheerleader outfit over clothes she already has on....."you didnt really think i would wear nothing but two elastic bands with frills and nothing else now would you? how very dare you?"*
ok, so whoever you are whose reading this and has got this far probably think im a freak right? well boo ha on you and flaming congrats on reaching this far mate! haha!! *psychotic tendencies build*

im 19 or so i just found out....giggle those who know the story behind this...giggle your little hearts out...oh god and pension drawing gets a year closer...

im the most hilariously crazy person ever...and you know what im not boasting either...none of that fake ha ha stuff about being full of it and its not even garn confiedence, its just the truth i AM funny....care to dispute that? i thought not

so what else about me, gosh it does get boring talking about yourself after a while, i wonder how vain people manage to look at themselves in the mirror for so long....its a killer.....

but one thing i can say...do you know what i really really really want...someone who just writes down every little funny thing and event in my life, not like in an autobiographical manner, just that im a really bad story teller, i get lazy and ruin every punch line, i also seem to block out a lot, so forget stuff...oh i dont know!! whatever ok im bored now....so will get back to my little old self at work and enjoy the abuse of more customers.....oooh henry!!

next post will be all about my name....the darn name that nobody can spell or pronounce....grrrrrrrrrr