Thursday, 7 June 2007
You Live in Housing Association housing
You already know what your having for dinner – Bariis or Basto (Rice or Spaghetti)
You Eat bananas with every meal (Usually Bariis or Basto), and your probably eating one as you are reading this
You love eating Laahooo (like pancakes but wayyy better)
Your mother invites people you’ve never seen before to your house, and she tells you its your Edo, Athero, or Inn-Atheer (Aunt, Uncle, Or Cousin)
You know which tribe you are, and so quick to tell any other Somali person, unless you are ‘Midgaan’ tribe, then you don’t telll any one loll
You call yourself Somalian, even though that word doesn’t exist and it’s ‘Somali’Every Somali you know is some how related to you
You know 10 Muna’s and they all have nicknames cause its so damn confusing
You know 10 Mohammed’s in your city alone, that all call themselves ‘Moe’
Your name is Ahmed, Abdi, Abdirahim, Abdi-Aziz, or any other type of Abdi, Abdul, Abdulla, Aden, Ali, Mohammed, Osman, Hassan, Omar, Nasser, / Muna, Hamdi, Hamda, Amal, Ayan, Faduma, Idil, Iman, Najma, Nasra, Samaira, Sahra, Saida, Hani, Deqa, ….if none of these are your names you prolly know 2 ppl of every name
You have 100’s of cousins you’ve never met, but its cool, cause you can basically visit any country and have a relative to stay with
You bite your batteries or put it in the freezer thinking it will magically recharge!
You stay repping the hood you live in, but don’t own a property in the hood
You got your ass wooped by your Hooyo or Abo, and they’d always hit you with the closest object to them (my moms favorite her ‘Dacas’ (Sandal)
You crash weddings, and as soon as you get in there you ask ppl who’s the bride & groom
You call any other Somali lady, ‘Habo’
Youre with a person of the opposite sex, u gotta hide from any Somali woman cause you know soon as they get home, theyre gonna call your hooyo, and ANY other person they know
You celebrate your birthday on January 1…you immigrant
Your Hooyo or Abo drive a Mini-van
Youre good looking, (well most of us)
Your Skinny or Fat, because theres no in-between for Somalis
You call a towel, ‘Toowal’ and don’t care about this pokeman ‘Sukumaan’ business WEIRD Somali people are calling it
You call a Vacuum, ‘Hoover’, (I just discovered last year it wasn’t called a Hoover and that Hoover was just a company that makes Vacuums )
You say ‘Sigis’ instead of 6, and you call Detergent, ‘Tide’
You checked the ‘Somaligate’ website 10 times a day, to see if your picture was posted up or not …loll
You checked the Somaligate website, and laughed your ass off when you found out someone you hated got Xposed
Youre planning to get married before the age of 24 but know that will never happen
You know youre somali when your hoyoo screams on long distance phone calls
You know youre somali when you hang curtains infront of doorways
You know youre somali when you re-use cooking saleed
You Know youre Somali When You Hooyo Puts Qasil on her face
You know youre Somali when you got 5 brothers ready to beat up any nigga that try to holla at you
You know youre Somali when your hoyoo is the kitchen drinking shah gossiping, and your Abo is with the rest of his Chad crew at Tim Hortons
You know youre Somali when you leave your money at home, cause you know soon as you hit McDonalds with the homies they all gonna ask for money (“yo just a dollar yo, yo!!”)
You know youre Somali when you braid your hair in the afternoon and it takes 3hours to do it, and at night before you reach home, you unbraid it cuz you know hoyo & Abo will whoop your ass... piercing your ears... SAME THANG
You Know youre Somali when everyone in your house 18 or under is getting govervnment aid..and hALF of THEm WORK!! loool
You Know youre Somali When you pay 25 buckz to go to the riwayaad (party) knowing its going to end 2 hourz early with a ffist fight!!!
You Know youre Somali when you say close the lights instead of turn off the lights
You Know youre Somali when the back of ur TV remote control has some sort of Tape on it
You know youre Somali when every other word out of ur mouth is ‘wallahi’
You know youre Somali when...your mom & 10 of her friends/neighbours carpool together to go visit a sick person in the hospital....Then get mad at the hospital staff when told there can only be 2 visitors at a time in the room - the rest need to wait.
You know youre Somali...if you pride yourself on being the "only Somali" at your workplace/school (as if other Somalis can't achieve the same)
You know youre Somali...if you try to support Somali run businesses (just because they're your ppl, even if you can get a better service elsewhere
You know youre somali when you swear blind that you and youre hubby are separated so more benefits come your way...tut
Friday, 18 May 2007
ok so what do i talk about? erm i dont know....what have i done...i dont know....who am i? not quite sure about that either? ooooh i know....im going to talk about work?!!
so what am i doing with my life? i am spending my time, working my rear off...spending ten hours a day getting abused by old people, who are making me feel that enthusiasia is the way forward....i hate talking to people who dont want to read their flipping bills, and other who dont get out of their house enough...i hate people telling me to be embarrassed that i work for who i do...ive been embarrassed since day one?!!
ok so what else? i dont know....gosh i dont know is my favourite phrase...seriously i dont know whats happened lately....
ooooh apart from spending ten million flipping days awaiting my new phone to come...and ive been taking random photos with it...of yours truly....and im seeing blemishes appear...out comes the cocoa butter...HAHAHA....im joking....i mean ive got spots...its like dot to dot...
ok now lets talk about something else...i want to rant about BUSES
and students...im sorry but i hate students...*glares* you guys totally kill manchester...and im awaiting the day you lot all get lost and go home...you smell, dont pay taxes, and decide that one seat on the bus isnt enough for you so will take two and when i come to sit next to you, you give me that goddamn snobby glare *im a student, improving the world for the better*, like youre some superhero...
and whats with the buses not coming or for that matter leaving on time...seriously....grrrrrrr....
ok im bored now....and i have to tidy my crash site of a room...oooh now that reminds me...i hate amateur handymen....guy came around to the cardboard box i live in...and him and his seven little friends....seven of them may i remind you....were unable to do a simple job of painting a few rooms and the ceiling...and like also not finishing all the flipping food in the cupboards....like when i say finished...i mean finished....i cant talk about it...im just gonna go mad...arghhh?!!!
Saturday, 14 April 2007
anyways back to the aim of the game...
rejection? now why did i pick a title like that well its too rant about being rejected and rejecting others...and no im not talking about marriage proposals....hmmmpf thats an arena of lions i havent yet joined....
well lets start off with to as far back as i can remember, which is the day before yesterday, i was on the bus minding my own business, purely because i crashed into the stairs as i was going up there, so my styling out here was avoid all eye contact. i sat down near some "Fresh" people, see im not a snob!! the proofs in the pudding baby, well there ya go!!
ok an i had my mp3 player on really loud, see i have this theory if i can block out the sound of people on the bus i can also block out their smell....
anyways so i was just listening to the garbage i have on my player, when some random dude sitting in the seat on my left started waving at me, so i pulled one headphone out of my ear, but discreetly incase he turned out to be a mad man. so i looked and his lips started moving but i couldnt hear him, so i said one moment please, and then a little freshie who was sitting directly behind me started shouting at me. hmmmpft i dont thinkso... so i gave him a cold look and then the african dude on my left started looking angry, so when i managed to pull the other headphone ear out he was like " i said assalaamualikum man, why are you ignoring me, im muslimg too", as if he thought that i thought he was worthy to be a muslim, seriously though, so i said "wa alaikumusalaam brother" and turned away, i quickly put my headphones back into my ears and carried on looking out the window, not a good thing to do at night because it just acts as a fricking mirror, and guess who i see looking at me, mr whiny - the african dude, so i just look straight, and then a few stops up, mr whiny asks me to open the window near me. because there was a dude sitting in front of me, i thought best to ask him to do it, but can you believe the gall of the guy infront, he merely cuts me a dirty dirty look and says cant you do it yourself??? ohmygosh i said flipping please?? what the hell??? so i was like im weak in a joky voice and he gives me another evil, so i stood up, opened the window, sat down and told the guy in front, "looks like im not so weak after all", what an ass.
so the bus keeps going, btw people im on the way to herbi and NMs house after finishing work, its that darn 111 service i tell you. so mr whiny says thanks and i just smile. a few stops on and mr whiny starts flapping his hands again, i swear this guy is a big baby. so i look at him, and he goes whats your name, ok just to let you people know i have a complex about giving m name to random strangers, you know, because ive spent too much time watching tv and creating crazy theories in my head.
so i say to him "i dont have a name", praying that he takes the hint and leaves me alone, but oh no, whiny just cant do this can he? no he has gone and whine??!!!
hes starts off with "but youre a nice girl? "
and im thinking in my head "well darn well not nice enough, paranoia beats niceness anyways so shoo with you"
and hes like "but if i see you tomorrow, i wont know your name.".
me (still thinking) "hopefully i will disappear off the face of the eath by tomorrow"
and then he was like "tell me your name, im muslim too".
at this point im getting peeved, hes trying to use the belief card, not cool in my book,
so i turn to him and say, "if you see me tomorrow then you say asalaamualaikum sister and leave it at that, but im not giving you my name end of."
and i just turned away, and guess what he starts shouting at me, in front of all the people on the bus??!!!! and ohmygod there are like five stops left?!! total killer i swear lol!!
but i ignored him, and when i got off the bus said my salaams and walk away?!! case no. 1 of rejection?!!
ok and second one was of some stupid little somali boys who thought they were big in their little vauxhall, im sorry but please when a sister looks angry dont mess with her, idiots, im sorry but if someones slowing their car down whilst youre walking down the street that looks a tad suspicious....so when they started to trying talking, i just let it rip, and no im talking about gas, i just got peeved, why cant idiots leave flipping us alone to walk down the road in peace?? in all fairness i was already angry and well people doing this just make me go CRAAAAZY?!! so after telling them to get lost in a really funny twisted somali way, although i cant remember what i said, but jst remember herbi almost crying. and then guess what idiots come back for round two telling me i have anger issues, well i told them to get back to to the mee (thats like the somali desert) and called them gahontis (refugee/freshies), its more offensive in english but just as offensive in somali and even more comical, they then did drive off.
ok and third case of rejection, we went to the baths yesterday, the swimming ones that is and guess what the woman wouldnt let us in because my friend mini's sister wasnt 16, she was like you have to be over 16 and mentioned something about paying the full price. it was at this point my eyes turned into those of a bull, "helloooo just because i said i wanted ladies only bathing, and because im an ethnic doesnt mean im a cheapo"...so we were rejected,
not that i was all that bothered, because last time i went swimming i had an asthama attack, and the big bootylicious arab woman nearby decided not to listen to my cries of help....and that went on for five mins....so look theres another rejection?!!
ok sorry im just angry, im in fact not angry im just crazy
darn lifes just full of rejections and im bored writing so...give up!!
Wednesday, 21 February 2007
To all my "sisters"....thank you for always being on the "rim of my valley, cheering me on"..
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.
As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them."
"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.
"You'll need other women. Women always do." What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"
But she listened to her Mother.
She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year.
As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.
As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:>
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supp osed to do.
Colleagues forget favors.
BUT......... Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are betweenyou.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other
Every day, we need each other still.
Tuesday, 13 February 2007
so here the story starts....i was walking home, after the train journey back from liverpool....i was just minding my own business as you do....listening to my mp3 player and struggling with the colossal *is that spelt right???* bag i had.....so anyways off i went...and guess what happens, some little stupid stalker in his tacky pimped up honda civic decides to trawl after me....i ignore him thinking..."im not in the mood to kill anyone tonight", i was tired and restless..but nevertheless he stopped his car...i ignored him once again and carried on walking, im not being funny, but im not going to be intimdated by some jerk....
as im walking, some dude with a fat backside comes up next to me....and he says, "salaams sister how are you?", so i just meerely replied back, "alhamdulilah im fine" and i carried on walking...no offence but im not spending my walk home chatting to some dude who thinks he can chat me up, and especiall not when hes seen my HI-JAAB, and thinks he can use the islamic approach...ok and before anyone else moans at me for replying back...i did so because he started the convo and i ended it...end of....
so i carry on walking and the dude is still following me....and i say to him "can you stop following, stalking, harrassing me..." and he has the gall to ask me if im chatting to him, oh yes by the way the dude in the civic is driving really slowly ahead...and so somali loser, asks me if im talking to him??? errr no im talking to the ass next to you...oops sorry but cos yours is so big i thought it was another...fool....so i told him, "look can you see this?" *point at my hijab* if i wanted attention, i wouldnt be wearing this...ok...so go away..."
at this point im getting annoyed that this little piece of freshness off the boat from hargeisa is still trying to bug me....and im sorry but when i'm angry may the Lord have mercy upon your soul....so i tell the dude to get lost...and i got mad, he said to me "listen darling.....blah blah...didnt understand the rest of his garbage"...im sorry but no-one calls me darling....so i went crazy....i managed to give him the telling off of his life, without any swear words...and then i told him in black person stylee..."you got told, now go away boy"
and guess what?? what the hell, the dude is still following me...and no im not scared....just majorly annoyed, thinking im gonna phone the cops before i launch on this idiot...and cause him some real damage....i tell him to get lost...and he says to me " i live this way" *i can do his accent to a T"...and i said to him "look, you've just been told to get lost, and im really embarassed for you at this point, so if i were you and even if i lived just two metres away, brother at this point i would've gone the longest possible around the whole manchester to get my house, just avoid further embarassment...."
by the way there is a silver car behind me and a startled chinese girl walking behind me....and NO im still not afraid....and guess what the dude goes "i dont go for fat girls anyways.."...wallahi this guy had a death wish im telling you....because i just went CRAAAAZY...and did some possessed thing...and started mimicking his accent and telling him that he needs to sort out his flipping english....ok im not one to abuse people with accents...well ok i lie just somalis....whatever....and so yes he turned around startled i think...not quite sure...cos his big backside hid his face...fool
oh yeah and the guy in the civic...parked his car across the road and asked me if i wanted a lift....i will just tell you that there were a heck of lot of expletives used at this point...idiot...wallahi some men are just fools
Thursday, 8 February 2007
i was utterly amazing....i typed in somali dancing, and got like all these white people dancing its so cool that im going back to it now muhahaha!!
ok see this is exactly my point, i start and now i dont want to finish eurgh!! i give up...braaaaaap!!
Wednesday, 7 February 2007
well back to it, in we went to the cafe, surprised at being in a moroccan environment that wasnt a sheesha bar or nandos, and we sat down, nattering on about everything and nothing, while we waited for our food to come *it took forever* and then as typical as muslims are with punctuality, one person decides to comment on how cold it is after we'd been there like a whole hour, so i stare up at the heater which is above everyone who was sitting on the bed's head, and then suddenly one person *thou who shalt not be named ahem* started laughing, and not with me but at me, apparently i had a horrified look on my face...hmmm in particular my eyes, so whatever!! grrrrrrrr....but yes and now she wont leave me alone about it...end of...
oh what the heck if you cant laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at...*and im only sharing this as herbi has told everyone...ok well let me tell you a little story about a girl....ok not really a girl, more like a psychotic wench, aka me. one, cold friday night, this tall, charming, elegant sister was walking home from the lavish home of royal friends *yeah right*, listen to her sony walkman, *the purple one...yaaay*....i think it was oh but an arab tune, the ones where you have to have such great resistance to wisthstand the urge of swaying your hips side to side, or maybe that was just her *wink wink*....anyways so as i was walking down the long road of wilbraham road, that never ends....grrr...and suddenly, "bam bam bam"....three hard hits from the side, one straight to my glasses, damn those poor glasses are always the target....damnation upon those who bully the spectacled eyed beings of this world...ok a bit drastic there but you trying putting yourself in those small, delicate, size five shoes. And then the next hit is straight to my left wrist, have you seen my wrists? they're bulimic *no they dont puck up after a large meal, but ach have a look, you see theyre not quite fat but then not so skinny* ooww that did hurt and well the final one, fell somewhere along the surface of the upper body/face, not quite sure, the shock of it all kinda took it out of me, and eurgh i see a big splog of egg, on my lovely pink wrap around thing, also used as hijab, *hey if i can use a tea towel why not a wrap...hmmmpft*, the tea towel joke roots from odd people who call headscarves tea towels, i dont what these people's mommas use in their houses but darn my momma only has a simple striped one, *yes ONLY one in my house and what???*
well anyways back to the story, so yes i, miss scary-lady-who-np-one-and-thats-no-one-messes-with, had been egged, ok those who know me well, will wonder how i avenged this attack on the not-so-innocent, well i couldnt do anything i had eggy glasses, and without my sight, i couldnt get the licence plate number, and so without that how could i go on my stalking mission to hurt these chicken bleeps, who didnt even have the guts to throw to my face without the use of a car.....grrr...i bet it was chavs....grrr....so its 1 -1.....